you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize