i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
