It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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