i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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