It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh god it's open bar.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
