he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
