Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
