I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
