My nipple is on Facebook.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
