Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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