11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
