he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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