I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
