party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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