I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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