I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
