bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
