I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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