We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
