It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
