we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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