You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
