At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
