Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
