I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
