one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Less talking, more tequila
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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