ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
