just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
