I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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