I murdered the dance floor call the cops
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
