i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
