are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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