I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
