I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
