Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize