i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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