these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
