Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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