Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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