Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
