Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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