I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
