Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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