Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize