4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
