last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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