I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
