Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
