Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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