If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
