just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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