you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
