I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
