So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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