I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
