i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
