Quick, to the slutcave!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
