Whod you bang
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
