Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
