seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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