Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
