just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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