maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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