My room smells like vodka and shame
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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