rhymes with "ouble enetration"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
