and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
