a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
