Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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