U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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