I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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