Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
