He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
