I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
